Thursday, September 21, 2006

The Yakkings of Melmoth

NPR Knows How To Handle Hugo Chavez & Co
I find it difficult not to be crabby about NPR's frequent smirking over something like the recent (9/19-20/06) UN speeches by world leaders. In reviewing Hugo Chavez' fan-mucking-tastic screed at the Bush Machine's accomplishments (9/20/06), it was obvious that 'All Things Considered's Melissa Block's mouth was curved into a smug little smile for the whole duration of the piece, and her voice had a tone and inflexion far more comfortable with a garden party story. So that's how she handled it. Her voice betrayed the triteness of her own condescension. The only good thing was that we didn't have to suffer through Robert Siegel's tut-tutting. So much of prime-show NPR is becoming unlistenable to me. Their on-air talent has either been around too long (i.e. Cory Flintoff STILL sounds like he's a middle school nerd trying to prove himself) or they're just plain terrible (Jack Speer reading the news!). Of course, they all take themselves so seriously that their opinions of themselves and their enterprise could not possibly be anything but self-congratulatory. Yet they're still the only viable alternative game in town as far as convenience is concerned.

As far as Chavez's speech is concerned, it was certainly a burlesque. But supposedly sober, supposedly upright (but terminally bozo) characters like John Bolton may wish to learn that the Latin American world-view often integrates literary and theatrical techniques, sometimes involving 'low-brow' or surrealistic humor to make very serious points. I cite G. Garcia Marquez, Reinaldo Arenas, and J.L. Borges as masters and practitioners of this approach. NPR might have attempted to explore this angle, but I guess they were just too cool to bother.

The conservative corporate influence has its protruding dangerous instruments poised at, near, or within every orifice and sphincter associated with the body of NPR, and that fact is certainly an embarrassment, but an unavoidable fact.

There is hope: there IS life after NPR. Stay tuned.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

The Yakkings of Melmoth


A SPIN, WITH VOLGAMATIC TRANSMISSION

The scene spun out like this:

Dubya: How the f@*% d'ya steer this Commiemobile?

Vlad: Mistr Prayseedawnt, has forklift-style stee-reeng box.

Dubya: How the f@*% d'ya shift it?

Vlad: Has Stalin-o-matic drive.

Dubya: Holy f@*%! Y'mean the Leader and Teacher hisselfs drove this
here rig, Vladimur?

Vlad: (lying, as it seems to please the President) You bet you, Mistr
Prayseedawnt.

Dubya: Can't wait to get the f@*% back to my Suburban!

Vlad: (in post-Soviet Russian, to the press outside) Poor Mistr Boosch.
He is how you say, baby-coddled with the GM autos.

Dubya: Hey Vladimur, kin you f@*%ing do me a favour?

Vlad: Anything, Mistr Prayseedawnt.

Dubya: Well, y'know, cuz Poppy won the Kold Worr an' all, I uh,
promised him that when I'd finally driven Joey Stalin's car in triumph,
with you ridin' shotgun so's you're humiliated in front of all your
Commie friends, I promised Poppy that I'd take a dump in Joey's crapper,
too, jes for good measure. And hey, YOU get to f@*%ing flush! Can we go
over there now?

Vlad: But of course Mistr Prayseedawnt. Take 'left' turn up ahead. 'Get
it'? (laughs)

Dubya: (a tad dim in picking up on Vlad's wry wit in roasting him with
a little post-Leninist-Marxist humour) OK. I can't wait no longer. This
is gonna be a the f@*%ing highlight of this here joyride.

Vlad: (as former head of KGB, Vlad knows that all Kremlin toilets are
equipped with spy-cams; he whips out his Nokia and, in deepest Russian,
requests for the Josef Stalin Memorial Sanitary Pedistal Stall to be
dolled up for the President's imminent arrival, and that spy-cam access
be opened up to the international media) I totally agree, Mistr
Prayseedawnt.





The Yakkings of Melmoth

The Yakkings of Melmoth

Continuing our series of celeb affairs, none other than Angela Davis
appeared here on campus for a lecture. I remember seeing her in her more
radical days, in 1976, when I worked at the Paramutual. Speaking of V.I.
Lenin, she was appearing there as candidate for Richard X. Chaenei's
office on the Commonist Party ticket, with the legendary Gus 'I'm Just
Like Brezhnev' Hall going for the Pres slot. I thought she was brilliant
back then, and she is even more so now. She gave a wonderful talk about
corporations and globalism. Ronnuld Wilson Raygun had her framed in a
preposterous bogus case, of which she was exonerated (no one ever said
they were even sorry), and as a consequence, Jay Ed Hoov put her on the
FIB's 10 Most Wanted. She is utterly without any bitterness on her own
behalf though, and is not burdoned with an ego. She is totally cool.

The Yakkings of Melmoth

The Yakkings of Melmoth

Bush-y Moustache is on the mat. Personally, I hope he gets into the UN
position, if for nothing else because his subsequent boorish berhaviour
(which will no doubt include throwing staplers at any number of
delegates from sub-Saharan African nations) will show the world what
radicals the Cartel really are. I'd love to see him make a complete and
utter bozo of hisself on, as the Bush Twins would say, 'LIVE TV!!', or
else he will be completely and utterly emasculated and humiliated by the
constraints of the office, and will wobble off into private life, in
need of Viagra I-V boosts in order to just keep his Bushy lip brush from
falling out. The latter will no doubt satisfy Condi's housecleaning
obsessions most thoroughly.


'But in Iraq, which already had a secular state, we have the additional
complication of sectarian/ethnic divisions -- your Sunnis, your Shiites,
your Kurds -- not to mention, the tribalism within those divisions. (Am
I bitter enough to point out once again that Paul Wolfowitz said under
oath, "There is no history of ethnic strife in Iraq"? You bet your ass I
am.)' - Molly Ivins


The Yakkings of Melmoth

The Yakkings of Melmoth

HE DIDN’T STAY BOUGHT

Now listen. What I'm about to say may strike you as incredulous, but I
tell you, it's all based on a pretty credible-sounding speculation I saw
on the Beeb. That is, the Cartel is trying to 'work' with Saddam. When
Little Dohn was over there a few weeks ago, he gave about 17 minutes to
cheering the droop troops up. Where was he the rest of his day-long
cameo in B-dad? Hanging out behind the chopped-down palms on the
Merciless Road To The Airport? No sir. Seeings how Donn and The Saddom
had their buddy days, why not have the little wrestler meet face to face
with the ageing Stalin admirer and make him a full-Nelson offer? That
is, promise exile in return for some Saddamish condemnation for this
here insurgency. No one knows what happened as a result, but I would
imagine that by the time Dawn trotted daintily up the embarkation ramp
and got on his little Pentagon jammies for the long flight home, the
Cartel was busily coming up with a plan B. Which is: just a few days
ago, it was Condi's turn. After 14.5 minutes pepping with our men and
women in uniform (reminding them to 'stay focused' while in Iraq!!), she
too went unto the recalcitrant Leader and tried her black chick
schtick-hula dance in front of him. Because, heck, this pesky
insurgency's GOT to stop SOME time! Right? Personally, I think they're
desperately trying to get Mr Hussain to somehow defuse the insurgency.
As if any of the insurgents still CARE about him! Listen, they're in it
for themselves. Why should they still be following some 68 year old
jailbird? I'm sure that Richard X. Cheney, enraged over sending
candy-ass Condi to do a big Dick's job, is preparing discreet procedures
so as to lean on the Saddam in ways that will finally produce some
gawdam RESULTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



The Yakkings of Melmoth

The Yakkings of Melmoth

BOLTONIA

This is the 16th hour in which I've been down on my knees, doing some
mega-heavy-duty Elmo Gantry-style holy rolling, doing my part to
arm-twist the Lord into allowing His country to make sure that such
leaders of the future, such as Ultra-Judge Janice Rogers Browne and John
'Misplaced Moustasche' Bolton, be placed in their high-high offices, and
so that Christian Fascism will become the Rule of Law in His nation, now
and for ever.

It is, as President George Skwalker Bush would say, 'hard work', but
now that that chunky Tex bitch Prissy 'Thank Yieu!' Owens is planting
her 50-year old widetrack ass in the easy chair of the 459th Circuit
Court - a chair that is heavy duty enough to be wheeled with no problem
across the street into the Supreme Temple of HyperJustice when Bill 'I'm
Almost Wrapped' Wrenkwiszt trips over his robes for the last time -
there is now hope that the hopelessness and melancholy despair of
Rillidjuss Write lifestyle gloom will further seep into His country's
very soul. Rejoice and be dismal!

In all seriousness, while I have a contempt for all those unsavoury
judicial candidates, as I said before, I DO want Moustache to get into
the UN position. At this point, I want the Cartel to pepper the points
of power with their clones, if only to show the world (not to mention
the just over half-braindead Americanski peipl) just what radicals these
characters be. If they cannot be avoided by namby-pamby conventional
means, then they must be indulged so that they can either self-destruct
or burn out, or demonstarte to decent people, interested in still doing
this thing we call civilization, that we don't want what they bring with
them, and thus they will press for their removal in more aggressive and
effective ways. I want the extremists to blow out so the pendulum can
swing back again. This may sound overly optimistic, but I think it's
possible - still.

One thought on the ReeLidJus Wryte. It is a fact that much of
conservative and evangelical Christianity (if the latter term can be
accurately used) tends to be fatalistic, if not downright apocalyptic in
their world view. They bring little comfort, what with their Final Days
scenario, which has no basis other than mumbo-jumbo legends that aren't
even as classy as the Mayan calender cut-off. This yearning for the end
of all things has seeped into Gubment in that it lends a dreariness to
the conservative agenda. I remember, while growing up, that mainstream
Christianity always used to badmouth eastern religions for being
fatalistic, but there's not much talk about that any more. And I'm not
talking about Islam, cuz it's a western religion, being Abrahamic and
all. Today, in comparison with the Christian tilt to the right, so to
speak, Hindoos and Buddhists look positively hedonistic, cheerful, and
more sure of themselves than ever. The world of the 'Merican holy roller
is very constricted, and it continues to shrink. Yet, with their
political influence, they have brought an anxious dreariness with them,
and they have inflicted it on the rest of us. Even though they have what
they think is a sympathetic president in control, and a virtual majority
in congress, and now the judicial wing might be within their grasp, they
are still miserable. Because that's what they think they're supposed to
be. Life MUST be a Vale of Tears. Never mind about making it better.
Personally, I think that the Cartel is scarcely interested in such
gobbledegook, and is only tolerating the Dreary Ones for political
purposes. That's why this conjoined extremism must be allowed to extend
further, so that it can collapse under its own weight.

So in the meantime, GO, Moustache, GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!



The Yakkings of Melmoth

The Yakkings of Melmoth

WHAT TO DO:

I would add that those persons directly responsible for prosecuting this invasion (e.g. Messrs. Rumsfeld, Wolfowitz, Perle, Cheney, et al) should themselves be prosecuted in light of gross abuse of power. MoveOn.org would be well advised to thoroughly inform the American public as to who actualized this war, and why, to serve as an ethical compensation for the ensuing tragedy.

The Yakkings of Melmoth

The Yakkings of Melmoth

Why Does The Country Approve?

If dimbulbs in charge
Rankle as to their steering
And if Big Gubment so offends,
Why is it then,
That everything that such culprits do
Is apparently OK?
If people love to bitch
About the stuff that bugs them,
But the trends go on
And indeed, deepen,
All the stuff they don't like,
Like the bush-league machine
That hijacks their life
More, day by day -
Why, then, do they put up with it?
With the whole dreary crew now in charge,
What's WITH the citizen
Who supposedly cares?
What??!!
Well . . .
I think they are dissolved with fear,
Even though they pretend
Or even think
That's all's really OK,
They cannot speak it,
Cannot lift it,
Off their chest high enough
To see the real threat,
The real rot,
And the extent of the corruption now in play.
If the only legal answer is to Chimpeach
The whole lot of them,
So that the decks may be swept clean,
These citizens are yet as children
And children are not ready
To seize such opportunities
- Whether Last or Best.
So that's the deal;
It's not all that bad right now.
Apparently.
That's why they say it's OK
To proceed with what we now have.
As Prez sez: 'To continue . . .'

I, uh, disagree.
Who supposedly cares?

The Yakkings of Melmoth

The Yakkings of Melmoth

The Yakkings of Melmoth