Friday, February 08, 2008

Candidate Review! Get Below, Before I McCain Ya!

Figs. 1 & 2 'An Epoch's Most Memorable Icons Are As Tintypes Of The Nostalgias' - Hervey Wordsworthless Shortfella

My friends, it is now time to address he who will take up the solemn task of ushering the mighty legacy of BushCorp toward its next dynastic inheritor (we're talkin' Jebber here, gang, or, if Hillary becomes the Dem nominee, either of the Twins), a man whose maverick loyalty has proven his utter worth, a man sparlking with enough crackerbarrel wit to melt a television set, that darling of millions - and of Charles Keating, that smart shopper who knows the best rug deals in town, from suburban Tempe to bazaar-y Baghdad: that Senatah John 'WALNUTS!' McCain!

By the grace of BushCorp only does he walk before us in 2008. What does that mean? Why, in 2004, JM signed a pact with said Corp, in which there was a deal that would ensure his bid for 1600 Pennsy in this here year of '08. The terms were stark, but elegantly simple:

BushCorp rules:
1. Lay off Dubya in the 2004 election. (He did that.)
2. Appear meek before Dubya while at Air Force One photo op. (He did that.)
3. Hug and kiss Dubya in public. (He did that.)
4. One term in the White House only, old fellow; gotta make way for the young folks in '12. (He will do that.)
5. Do all these things and more, John Q. McCain, and we will gift you the presidency in 2008. (He will do them.)

So now, with most of those terms fulfilled, JM can now stroll on in.

WARNING: For many a reason that need not be listed here, this man should not become our president. Fausts should be confined to the operatic and theatrical stages of the world, not on the national altar.

Plus, his 's' sibilance is extremely distracting, almost as much as Ghouliani's lisp.


  1. If you combine JM's 's', Mike Huckleberry's marblemouth and Bushcorps endorsement there is no end to the things that GOP ticket could accomplish while waiting for JEB to get moved out of Florida and ready for 2012.

  2. Indeed, Jebber is being prepped, groomed and trained for the 2012 Restoration, to follow the presumed trainwreck of any Dem admin that can't quite mop up all the blood and vomit generated by BushCorp endeavors.

    Plus, Jebber's 6'3', compared to McCain's squirt 5'7" or even Dubya's shrimpy 5'11".