I Finally Have Larry All Figured Out

Here's really what happened to US Senator Larry Craig in that Minnesota airport loo. It all makes so much sense now.

At least Larry didn't attempt the Thom McAn Shuffle in his own state of Idaho. And because he's not gay, he must have just been checking if any blue state weirdo was trying to 'pull' anything. That's what Larry was doing, gang! His OWN undercover work! A pre-emptive strike! He was simply exercising the Bush Doctrine. How do you like THAT, Larry-haters?

Whatever Are We Going To Do With Michael?

LEADERS!
Great Leaders Are Not Born. They Copy Other Leaders.

Really, gang, now why shouldn't Mikey Chertoff become our new Attorney General? Let's give Pre-Rot Skullface a chance! If Mikey were to become AG, just think of the full year of fun we'd have! I for one would be keen on seeing Mikey's full, majestic rage unleashed, which is currently kept covert behind the Homemade Insecurity Dept.'s gentle facade. It would be a pretty grand show, cuz AGs get to go apeshit more often than strong 'n silent security types do.

Mikey's got that totally rad sci-fi sinister protagonist visage, which he displays with unabashed vigah. Unhappily, his squeezed-pressure-vessel voice is a BIG disappointment, but that can easily be media-morphed into a baleful bellow at the mere twist of an audio-tweaking digital toggle!

In addition, examine the semi-colour plate above. As Chief Martial Law Administrator (aka AG), Comrade Chertoffski will be as heroic, as effective, and as gloriously lookalike as Vladimir Ilych Ulyanov!

So, think about the Mikey Option, Dear Dicktator Dubya! Millions of sci-fi geeks'll love ya for it! And 'tis love that you need right now.

Larry Craig Straightens Things Out

"I want to thank you all for coming out today..."
- Larry Craig, at his recent Boise Press Conference In The Bright Idahoan Sun of Truth

Go, Gonzo, Go. Now GO!

I grudgingly have to admit, I heard of Gonzo's resignation first on Neocon Public Relations. You know, Mourning Edition (ME invariably puts me in a bad mood; and that's a pretty mournful fact). I was about to indulge in an NPR-less morn, but then, annoyingly, decided to flip it on, and a mucus-voiced Inskeeper was rattling out the (good?) news.

And few people do fussy, nasaly delivery better than Ari Shapiro, who was positively fluttery today, as if he, by his show-offy prancings in that tinny, narrow, suffocatingly-awful voice, actually had a stake in Gonzo's waddling off of the blighted Bushique stage.

Speaking of Ari, that other Ari of note, Fleischer, has surfaced again - possibly for air, after years-long submersion in the sewery sump of shadowy bargain Bush basement life - to give us a powerful (in the perfidious sense) series of pep-talk ads that do nothing but contribute to the subversive and floating anxiety that is so mentally retarding this country.

So that's how I found out about Alberto.
NPR's very ease of accessibility is one of its most alarming factors. It's that damn convenience thing.

My farewell message to Gonzo is, as Porky Pig would say: Get out! Out! OUT!! OUT!!! OUT!!!!!!!!!!!

Getting The Dosage Right

Most of my yakkings about NPR are now based on a 15 minute-or so daily dosage of dreariness. This morning it was Corey Flintstone's turn, giving his 'take' on Iran's 'toxic' influence on Iraq. Corey's delivery has always bugged me. He usually sounds like an 8th-grader who wants to convince you that his matchbook collection is cooler than yours. His word emphasis is completely mucked up, and it's all an affectation, because I've heard him talk quite normally and acceptably. That's a big problem with these NPR lifers, who feel they have to project a certain 'personality' to be 'interesting.' Nevertheless, I have to admit, in his Iraq stories, he does attempt some depth of understanding, or at least exploration of his subject that the usual neo-NPR suspects aren't capable of. However, this is just a style observation. I have to leave it to others, such as the NPR Check blog, to sift the substance out of the style.

Quite frankly, sometimes I feel embarrassed that I'm devoting so much attention to something so worthless as Neocon Propaganda Radio's style. I have to justify a certain amount of it though, as I'm interested in the progression of persuasive media, and a lot of the persuasion has to do with shiny superficiality, which NPR has in abundance. As we all know, it's that sheer abundance that makes exposure to NPR so soul-damaging. So, a mantra results: 'Keep the dosage low, keep the dosage low, lower, lower, still lower...'

Things Most Needful

One major imperative remains for the Bush/Cheney regime: to de-stabilize Iran as a regional power of consequence.

A 'sympathy vote' for Israel might be just as potent in selling a strike on Iran as 'bringing democracy' or 'WMD' were in the Iraq disaster.

Intentionally incomplete reports, in the form of propaganda, sent via NPR to 'thinking' audiences, are more valuable than a week of Rush Limbaugh rantings. If 'thinking' people, such as higher education types, where much of NPR's audience lies, can be brought on board with certain issues, then a significant battle to contain intellectualism will have been won. Condi, my good buddy Wolfie, and Freddy 'Fats' Kagan, and many others are all products of the Neocon 'intellectual freedom' which might be so effectively spread through Academia via conduits such as NPR.

So, two imperatives stand out for the Neocons:
1. Take out Iran while the iron is hot.
2. Take in NPR as an 'innocuous' tool to mold 'thinking' peoples' minds.

We must fasten our seatbelts securely.

The New Concept Of What Center-Left Actually Means Now

Yesterday I heard this guy, a guy called Guy, Guy Raz, on this 'All Thingies Considered-ed' show, which plays every, every day on Neocon Public Radio. He made a statement about the Brookings Institute being 'center-left'. I thought, y'know, that's what many think NPR itself is.

I wonder if projectile vomiting from distant locations can reach the Green Zone of NPR?

Karl Rove Defeats Effete-ism

You all know about K-carl's statement on K-crush Limbaugh, in which he lashed out at Dubya's critics, branding them as “sort of elite, effete snobs who can’t hold a candle to this guy.” Powerful stuff from Rapper Rove, who's about to embark on his next awesome mission sequence: prepping the wrecking ball for Hillarykins' razing, and prepping Jebber for '12.

But - but - but, a thought strikes me! So dreadful I scarcely dare give it utterance! But I must: is the true Connecticut Yankee soul of Dubya not revealed whenever he enunciates one particular word? And the word is: 'rather'. It comes out as a very un-HouTex-like 'rawther'. Rawther like the swish, effete, upper-crusty, powder-blue-blooded, gilded-aged pigboy types he and KR castigate, yet deep down in his innermost of sanctums, he remains? Just a . . . thought . . .

Padilla, Padalla...

The Bush Machine & Associated Interests Inc. need a sacrificial chicken in order to show that The Intergalactic War On Terror is indeed being won by The Righteous Ones.

Everyone's A Critic

Am I saying stuff about NPR that's too nasty?

Why, why NO!
No, I am not. Honest!

While I certainly admire civility in communication, I don't think it's too great a sin to be somewhat cutting when it comes to NPR's performance. After all, they are in the broadcasting business (more business-like than ever), and the P in NPR still stands, perhaps ostensibly, for 'public'. Anyone in public life or business has to be prepared for criticism. To my mind, that's the chief reason for this blog. I criticize NPR out of frustration, disappointment, and sometimes anger. Not because I want everything my way, but because all indications show that NPR isn't doing what they're supposed to be doing, and much evidence shows that they're cooperative with certain agendas in play in this country right now. That and other reasons make them worthy of criticism.

So I say, let it fly.

That said, responding to an earlier comment, I do indeed think NPR News' attempts in cultural matters are at times worse than their political coverage. Too many examples to note here, but to cite only one, I heard the gooey Liane Hansen and the occasional NPR film music 'maven' Andy Trudeau suavely yakking about the score to 'High Noon' on a recent Sunday morning. I don't want to bore anyone with my take on their mediocre ramblings, though Trudeau is no idiot when he's talking strictly about film scoring, but he plainly dumbs everything down for Liane and her listeners. The thing is, these NPR lifers usually muck up a potentially interesting segment by inflicting their unappealing personalities into every aspect of the subject at hand. This process is sometimes overt, and sometimes passive-aggressive. Liane had to put in her tiresome baby-boomer two cents, especially when she responded with disdain to Ray Conniff's quite sophisticated version of the theme song. Scarcely anything was said about the composer himself, Dimitri Tiomkin, one of cinema's more fascinating characters, or the evolution of 'High Noon' in the midst of McCarthyism. I'm dissecting this to such an extent because, while I applaud anyone who takes on interesting and esoteric subjects, I'm just amazed how the NPR treatment tends to end up with such a low common denominator. But of course that's expecting too much. Well, you can't please every listener, that's for sure, but the poor quality of many of their cultural probings is only indicative of the limitations of the personnel involved. That's only one reason why I don't treat NPR News as a finger-on-the-pulse cultural source. As we know, good and valuable cultural coverage certainly exists elsewhere on public radio, depending on the station. That’s why I’m referring specifically to NPR News here.

Style note: as I write this, I have ATC on in the background. Missy Melissa (Block) is interviewing the Gov. of Minnesota about the recent and awful bridge collapse. She is talking in a fairly normal, non-cutesy manner (mainly because she isn't smirk-smiling as usual while she's talking). Now this is a serious subject, so she's not acting overtly cute, which means, she can talk without affectation if she wants to. That's what I mean by NPR persons inflicting their personalities on listeners. It's not responsible broadcasting!!