Repeat After Me: Juice Is Sexy, Juice Is Sexy

Dabbling with NPR is a hazardous business, so I often try to keep things superficial, otherwise grim rage becomes dominant. So, to keep things light and fluffy, I frequently notice form rather than content (as content is usually a lost cause). I tend to notice HOW things are said and not necessarily WHAT things are said. I know, it's a perverted form of amusement, but I swear, I don't put as much time or effort into this as it sounds.

Well, it seems that lately, many of the NPR lifers have been told to juice up their manner of speaking. You know, to get all emotional and affected in order to bring 'interest' to a segment on, say, the Fed's strategy for regulating title insurance restrictions on two-year guarantee loans made on leap-year days, or whatever. NPR wants to retain its 'serious' reputation, but with a sexier guise, so as to keep the SUV-ers transfixed with 'driveway moments', before hauling ass in the Mall.

People like Inscreep and Renee de la Mon-tayyne perform a whole routine to keep our attention, feigning amazement, speaking in 'valley' cadences, and general motormouth tricks of the cheapest kind. Most of the 'experts' they interview go along with their act, but when someone like Helen Mirren shows up, it doesn't take much to expose how ditzy/dopey (or if you prefer, dopey/ditzy) Renee comes off as, and Ms Mirren was the model of understatement and kindness.

Anyway, there's a BushCorp/Condi quality to this business that grates and gets in the way of what information radio is supposed to be about: access to said information.
To me this increased affectation junk is all just bad acting (in a media source that should confine acting, bad or otherwise, to feature shows), and it is representative of the what the NPR powers that be want in order to boost ratings, in order to satisfy corporate sponsor expectations (duh, just like in commercial radio, ya think??).

Conversely, I heard a segment this morn from our old reliable Parisian gamine, Eleanor B.(eardsley) of Aquitaine, that gave me a start. In her little piece there was practically NO affectation - none of her bizarre misfires of delivery - just flat phrases. No champagne bubbles or boulevardier fun. Nothing. Eleanor! Are you ill? Tired? Or did you get a talking to: to knock off the cutesy crap? Sadly, without her gimmick, EB is just a bore, enough to make you snap off the radio and head on in to Macy's.

The Definition of a Defining Moment

I can't imagine a more worthless source for truthful information about Iraq than Nonfunctioning Public Radio. Fox News is worse of course (if not synonymous), but at least you know where they stand. NPR attempts to play the game of 'safe' cleverness, so that they'll be taken seriously. Boy, how they crave the prestige.

And what the hell is with this 'defining moment' crap? OK, it's just another Luntzy product from BushCorp. But why would any thinking person take such a vague statement seriously? Just the fact that the media repeats such a banal pronouncement with a straight face is enough to invalidate any news source's credibility. And now, with NPR's new gals (Dina+Lourdes) delivering steady-voiced updates about the New Iraq from Bombproof Vault #345, deep beneath the billion dollar US Embassy, and with a 'less emotional' and fully-clothed Annie G. to guide them, their team's putting the propaganda back into NPR with a capital 'P'.

(NOTE: I think it was Susan Steeammberg who made it clear though, that Our Lady of Lourdes had indeed been 'on the streets of Baghdad' or somewhere or other, just so Lourdes’ statement that those streets were deserted could be taken as a sort of eyewitness fact. I found it interesting that the anchor in DC would make a statement that the reporter on the scene (or in the general region) should be making. Hell, I could make the same statement just by using Google Earth...)

NPR should just stick to doing feature shows and leave the hard edge reporting to other, more independent agencies. I don’t care if this was an extremely liberal administration and NPR was spinning things to the left all the time. The truth is the truth, and NPR is in the thrall of non-truth and truthiness. They aren’t valid enough to do the job, and they’ve proven it, time and again.

The Splurge Before The Flood

I'm finally hearing some references in the media that, yes indeed, since the Surge, there has been a significant gap in on-the-ground Iraq coverage. Uh, I noticed that in the first weeks, folks. No wonder Winter Soldier testimonies are being repressed. Things are shitty in Iraq and everyone knows it, but won't say so because everybody's waiting to see what Bush does while he still has a chance. Fasten your seatbelts: Admiral Fallon's out, Spitzer's no longer in the way to thwart bank robber Bernanke, and there's still 8 gruesome months to pull some nasty surprises out of the sewer.

Check out Greg Palast's report on the Spitzer/Bernanke caper:
http://www.gregpalast.com/elliot-spitzer-gets-nailed/

Meanwhile, the Neocons, quiet and industrious of late, are futzing with a majestic playbook of wetdream dimensions (which is probably the only sex they ever get: self-inflicted). Boxes of toxic bon bons are circulating amongst them, containing the following: 1) Greenlighting imminent for Operation Take Back Iran. A no-brainer. 2) Full speed ahead in foundation work on Operation Take Back China - via covert infiltration from the Afghan/Pak corridor, which will set the west of China ablaze, spreading to the South China Sea; thus, Taipei is poised to return in triumph to the Forbidden City.

OHMIGAWD! Brilliant, brilliant, Field Marshal Perle!

OK, doughty Neocons, wash-up now! Nighty-night!

The Impatience of the Chattering Classes

This morning on that show they sensibly call 'Morning Edition', I heard relentlessly upbeat Renee interview an Iraqi fellow in Baghdad who works for NPR, describing life in the city 5 years after the invasion. I got the sense that he wanted to gush with all the bloody details, but knowing NPR as he no doubt does, and knowing of their hi-tech editing skills, he delivered a pretty much G-rated rundown. Toward the end he was sufficiently warmed up to start gushing, but that's when the editing no doubt kicked in. When he mentioned a detail regarding a tiny improvement of some kind, Renee responded with something like: 'Well, then things are just a LITTLE better, aren't they?' As if, 'What have you REALLY got to whine about, you poor thing? Raw, untreated sewage is no longer drying in the street. Can't you just be happy with that?', and it was delivered with all the slightly bemused impatience of a Bev Hills soccer mom who's tut-tutting her Filipina nanny for being five minutes late so that she can rush off to the mall.

I don't need this crap. I want my news delivered soberly and without all this 'magazine' approach. I know this is 'NPR Critique 101' stuff, but I'm getting demoralized again.

I'd really like to see how Renee would handle her trips to the mall if LA were being bombed daily and occupied by invading troops. I know, it's a banal comparison (warfare of a different kind exists in LA, don't we know), but her ditziness, so willingly and proudly displayed, is wholly representative of her type and class.

Because of their increasing exclusivity of audience targeting, NPR should be banished to the wilderness of satellite radio, where it can atrophy and thus expire. Even Murdoch wouldn't bother with that.

At NPR, The Hits Just Keep On Coming . . .

If anyone was able to slog through two hours of prizewinning fussbudget Ari Shapiro's drainpipe voice on Sunday, they would have to conclude that this guy has taken it upon himself to be an apologist for the US 're-invention' of Iraq. Substituting for Auntie Liane, Amazing Ari proves that he's pretty darn diverse. Why, he's all over the map, going to plays, bopping over to Baghdad, and hell, doin' the Sunday breakfast gig as easily as gossiping up on the Hill. Yes, Ari's got the makins' of an NPR superstar. But that voice! That awful, awful, NPRepugnant voice! Can't the engineers de-tweak it so that he doesn't sound like he's talking through a 89-cent crystal-set mike? And that talking! Jabber-jabber-jabber! He almost beats out Inscreep in the speaking-faster-than-he-can-
think department. Oh, but Ari's far more brilliant, isn't he? Thus, the haughty confidence. That sickening confidence that got him busted for his trademark snottiness-that-passes-for-
journalism that FAIR pointed out recently. Can a Dan Schorr prize be revoked?
I'm happy to announce though, that I didn't suffer through all two hours of Ari's spring fling garden party. I couldn't do that to my dog, who looked at me as if, 'you are one sick puppy, man!'
After Ari's chummy little giggle with Nina the T, my dog threatened to lift his leg over the radio. A walk with him in the non-NPR fresh air cured everything.

OK, OK, one more thing: again, again, again, I just have to carp about that troublesome Eleanor Beardsley person, who's been popping up disturbingly often recently, despite some other more normalish reporter covering things France-ish.
E.B. sounds like some busted up plastic doll (that still thinks it's cute) to be found in a yard sale's 'FREE' bin, with a pull string that recites goofy lines about French people in a wobbly voice that doesn't know what notes to hit.
Of course, since she's describing the antics of those wacky Frenchies, what better than Ellie Bea to deliver their news with clownish dreariness? 'Thiszis Ellleneknyorr Beeaerdleah en Paaareeass...' (Did that transliteration really work?)

You know, if some of these NPR-oids really had style and class, like distinctive voices such as Katherine Hepburn or even Jimmy Breslin, it would be one thing, but NPR gets these not-even-ready-for-hammy-acting types, and their 'creative' journalism sucks, too. We as a public deserve much, much better, don't we? Of course, I blame NPR management for letting this bozo patrol get out on the air, but when it's stacked with BushCorp flunkies, there's no accounting for taste.

OK, pretty superficial stuff to complain about, but I ask you, where the hell does NPR GET all this lousy, lousy - really lousy - on-air 'talent'? Probably from the offspring of CEOs, and other power people in bed with NPR who have journalistic stars in their eyes... or whatever. In Britain, 'public' schools are really the very private, elitist establishments that take care of their own. National 'Public' Radio is actually a similarly elitist (well, middle-to-upper class) outfit that only cares about itself. Thus, my battle cry: Rupert - take what is rightfully yours: NPR!!

Randoms: Q: What Does 'NPR' Really Stand For? A: Well, All Sorts of Funny Things!

I just heard a puke-making interview in which Blob Siegel bids a fond farewell to Nicholas 'Nick' Burns, Undersecretary of State for Condescension, after a distinguished career. It's a doily-delicate affair, as one prig to another.

Do people like Burns actually make any difference? It makes one wonder what such a person really thinks they DID all those years of diplo 'service', because he offers no explanation of his role in the current, deliberately constipated mess in foreign affairs today, perpetuated by the worthless Condi & Co. I guess Nick's just too modest a guy to take any credit for it. Oh, he talks about the need to 'repair shaken bridges' or sumpthin'.

Blob let him down nice and easy at the end, via a gently whimsical Red Sox parachute. (Nick's a fan!) Diplomats and broadcasters are ever so civilized, aren't they?

A Bosnian friend of mine still marvels over how middle-class oriented NPR is.

***********

The dementia at Nationalist Perverted Radio grows deeper. NPR is dabbling in the 'controversy for controversy's sake' vat. They'll bungle such a venture, of course, but the damage is done.

You know Glenn Beck? That guy who wants to get your attention by all that wide-eyed jibber-jabberish he turbo-motor-mouths all the time? You know, he's just another baby-boomer who's exploiting his substance-abuse, just like our president.

Well anyway, Steve Inscreep of 'Morn Ed' interviewed him as part of their trenchant 'What Conservatives Think' series (which was almost as good as their recent 'Crunch Time' triumph).

Glengarry Beck is nothing more than a peepshow geek who, if Fox Newsishness didn't exist, couldn't even get work cleaning spittoons at a 5th rate carnival. So why does NPR pick up on him? Because there's an untapped audience to be found in the middle class' latent hunger for the horrible and the twisted in life!
So why not go the Naturally Prurient Radio route, if only for a day, and see how the ratings perform? Very Inscreepy!

If Beck can invoke Churchill and (gasp) Santorum in the same sentence, then I can paraphrase Sir Winston in regard to Rick: he (Rick) is a perverse man, with much to be perverse about...
Same goes for Beck.

Personally, I'm delighted NPR is stooping this low. Might wake more people up.

**************

NPR's logo is a cheap rip-off of BBC's logo. (BBC cheaply ripped itself off a few years ago when they converted the rather nice logo of 'italic' boxes, as in: BBC , to boring right-angle boxes, like, as in: BBC.) Anyway, NPR's logo has nice bright colors that get quite a bit of attention when attached to public mike stands. They scream: 'NPR is HERE!' Yeah, well, who cares if Mara Liarson or Dondi Gonorrhea is at the other end of the mike's wire. Damn! I WOULD have to bring those dreary names up!

Candidate Review! I Have A Scheme . . .

Dreams live in the hearts of patriots, just as sure as Bobby Russell wrote 'Little Green Apples'.

And because the Splurge in Iraq is such a success, you just know that hagiographed McCain and Field Marshall Petraeus are dickering right now over the future division of the spoils.

Here's their Swing Into Spring '08 'To Do' list:

1. Take and Hold 1600 Pennsy by means of the following lineup

2008-12 Generalissimo 'Panama Jack' McCain
2012-16 Citizen Jebber 'Die-Nasty!' Bush
2016-?? God-Emperor and Chief Martial law Administrator Davidvs 'Dave' PETRAEVS

2. Sieg heil, baby!

And that's just the getting warmed-up part!

Bill Has Wrapped 'Er Up

Fig. 1 Bill (center) in his role as Billiam X. Suckling in the 'Twilight Zone' episode, 'God and Man on Mars'

Here's to Bill Buckley, whom, as I remember, used to really BUG me. Then in the early 80s, he hosted PBS' presentation of Waugh's 'Brideshead Revisited' as adapted by John Mortimer. After that, I knew I could still profoundly disagree with Bill and yet enjoy his curiously stylish fiddlings and ramblings as if he were an eccentric actor or some such. Well, that's what he was, really.

Used to hate him, then was charmed by him, now I miss him.

He gave an elegantly stinging indictment of Dubya on a CBS Sunday Morning segment (note the prime time slot, indicative of his faded importance). Basically washed-up and overruled by the neoconny Kristolized crowd, Bill's only companion was his old dog, who followed him dutifully around the house.

As a polemicist, (except for his condemnation of the Iraq War) a waste of time. As an entertainer, top notch. There should be a star on Hollywood Blvd in his honor.

Candidate Review! The Perfect Candidate in Time for the 200th Anniversary of the War of 1812: JEBBER!

Fig. 1 Gerald Ford was captured in many such poses; Jebber has considerably hogged out since this not-so-recent 'action' portrait was taken

Now come the days of The Grooming, and The Prepping and The Patience. Now come the days when Jeb Bush, the heir apparent of BushCorp's Assured Reign in Perpetuity, will take up the burden of duty and proceed with his natural destiny of Born To Rule.

Here's the plan, gang (preferred plan first):

Plan A: Citizen McCain wins the '08 election. Fine. As per his '04 Pact with BushCorp, McCain allows said Corp to continue its enterprises in seamless fashion. Indeed, McCain, though not a blood relative, may even outdo The Family in BushCorp-like gestures and concepts. Content with being a one-termer (as that was better than being a no-termer) Grand Old Man McCain will willingly retire to his honorable wheelchair while the Epoch's New Man, Jebber, will then ascend to power, with Field Marshall of the Continental Army, David Petraeus at his side. There is much erotic excitement about this scenario in high places. That's where The Patience comes in.

Plan B: Barack Obama wins the '08 election. Fine. Let the Poet inspire the masses. (Sounds great to yrs trly.) But what BushCorp wants is for an Obama Administration to fail, if not in trainwreck style, then at least in terms of a generally dissatisfied public. Grappling with the mess left by Dubya will task the capacities of any subsequent administration. Then, in '12, BushCorp and its associated Republicans will have license to sweep back into power, with the anointed ones offered up, as mentioned above.

The magnitude of sinisterness inherent in BushCorp is no laughing matter, and thus, there is very little satire in the two plans I have just outlined. We must consider the scope of BushCorp and neocon agendas, and we must understand that they have no intention of surrendering any sort of power or control - ever.

By the by, ol' Jebber has put on some pounds. In comparison, Dubya looks stubbornly trim. Git on that mountain bike, Jebber, thy people will have need of thee!

Candidate Review! Get Below, Before I McCain Ya!

Figs. 1 & 2 'An Epoch's Most Memorable Icons Are As Tintypes Of The Nostalgias' - Hervey Wordsworthless Shortfella

My friends, it is now time to address he who will take up the solemn task of ushering the mighty legacy of BushCorp toward its next dynastic inheritor (we're talkin' Jebber here, gang, or, if Hillary becomes the Dem nominee, either of the Twins), a man whose maverick loyalty has proven his utter worth, a man sparlking with enough crackerbarrel wit to melt a television set, that darling of millions - and of Charles Keating, that smart shopper who knows the best rug deals in town, from suburban Tempe to bazaar-y Baghdad: that Senatah John 'WALNUTS!' McCain!

By the grace of BushCorp only does he walk before us in 2008. What does that mean? Why, in 2004, JM signed a pact with said Corp, in which there was a deal that would ensure his bid for 1600 Pennsy in this here year of '08. The terms were stark, but elegantly simple:

BushCorp rules:
1. Lay off Dubya in the 2004 election. (He did that.)
2. Appear meek before Dubya while at Air Force One photo op. (He did that.)
3. Hug and kiss Dubya in public. (He did that.)
4. One term in the White House only, old fellow; gotta make way for the young folks in '12. (He will do that.)
5. Do all these things and more, John Q. McCain, and we will gift you the presidency in 2008. (He will do them.)

So now, with most of those terms fulfilled, JM can now stroll on in.

WARNING: For many a reason that need not be listed here, this man should not become our president. Fausts should be confined to the operatic and theatrical stages of the world, not on the national altar.

Plus, his 's' sibilance is extremely distracting, almost as much as Ghouliani's lisp.

Randoms: Wanna Get Gnarly? Listen To NPR And Learn To Criticize Them!

On today's unmissable All Thingamabubs Considered:

- An absolutely contemptible report by someone called Karen Grigsby-Bates on a medical marijuana outlet in LA, and how stupid it is. Smug isn't an adequate enough word. All the classic NPR touches of offensive delivery, innuendo, and barely-disguised disdain were on parade. NPR's peevish priggishness at its very worst, though nicely exhibited for us to alternatively snicker and scoff at.

- A 'witty' postmortem on Ghouliani's quitting the prez race, where this Bob Smith guy takes Rudy's 'Leadership' book and makes fun of the things that Rudy said in it but DIDN'T act upon! Zowie!! Yes, it's a rare bit of 'gotcha' journalism (while trying to be clever, too!). That kind of stuff's pretty hard to find on virtuous NPR, but heck, they only wheeled it out when the scene was safe, (Gawrsh, can you imagine having Rudy MAD at you??) and when it's OK to show off a bit of drivel-y NPR 'humor'. As Major Hoople used to say, 'HAAAAWK-KAFFF!'

- John Edwards' media freeze-out lasts to the end. Much more time was given to Ghouliani's bailing than Edwards' bow-out, with very little exposition.

Morning Edition Low-note:

Terrible-quality Frank Deford satire on the Super Bowl, via Shakespearian recitations. No great horror in itself, except that he had some NPR stalwarts do the different character voices. Big mistake. No wonder Ari Shapiro didn't make it in acting school. Broadway musicals' loss is NPR's gain in torturing we captive listeners.

Morn Ed Hi-note:

- My good Philip Reeves had a nice little segment on India's new mini-car, the Nano. The way he 'did the numbers' as a demonstration of the multiplying of the car population in India should shock the shit out of those timid NPR devotees, trembling at the oncoming Brown (and Yellow) Peril!

Snicker-Inducing News: IMRAN KHAN DOESN'T KNOW WHAT C-SPAN IS!!!

I didn't much appreciate the extremely poor and sneaky decision to reveal, at the tail end of Steve Inskreep's interview on NPR's 'Morn Ed' with Imran Khan from Pakistan, that Mr Khan didn't know what C-SPAN was, and the general implication was that he is some sort of country bumpkin or political naif, if not a fool. How helpful of NPR to point out this fact, and in such a gently condescending manner. The sophisticates in the listening audience no doubt chuckled in their subtle way.

Imran Khan has long enjoyed a huge following as a sportsman in the British Commonwealth world (cricket, that is), and has devoted much of his efforts to philanthropy in Pakistan, and now politics. I'm glad NPR is just discovering these things.

So, Imran Khan, let it be known, didn't know what C-SPAN was. Conversely, I wonder if anyone at NPR knew who Imran Khan was (without looking him up in Wikipedia), and what he has accomplished?

This is a continuing problem for such on-air 'personalities' as Steve Inskreep, who tend to speak faster than they can think.

Despite success in ratings, NPR has long moved into a realm where they are hardly a first-stop source for news and insight concerning current events. They may score interviews with VIPs, but opportunities are usually squandered by the lack of talent or quality to be found amongst most of the NPR stalwarts.

Whether Mr Khan agreed to let these 'personal' bits be broadcast or not, I think Inskreep and NPR owe him a public apology for their adolescent abuse of broadcast principles.

Saudi Sword Soirees Combined With Kingly Kissin' 'N Cuddlin'

Fig.1 While Bush frolicked with kings, Mega-Ted Klaudt was sentenced to 44 years for doing horrible things to his foster kids


Fig. 2 While Bush and King were doing swordy gavottes, Mega-Ted Klaudt, former GOP 'lawmaker' in SD was getting ready for 44 years in jail


Fig. 3 While two kings kissed and told, Mega-Ted Klaudt hogs the news at home; you mean he didn't? well he should have, instead of this bushy-tailed bullshit!

It was darn funny to see those pictures of Dubya bozo-ing about with the topmost players in the Saudi Empire. Goofin' around with swords, chompin' on the local crisps, frownin' at that old Arabician book, and diggin' the kissin' of Cousin King, which'll sure make Holy Joe (Liebermann) jealous as a hick rival at a barn dance! Yassir, it was a Tex-ass Triumph of a trip!

And then I heard some of the coverage of BushCorp's epic voyage on that there NPR. You know, that station where they do the 'different' kind of commercials, then ask for 'pledges' for their corporate welfare protectors? Indeed, this is the sort of watery spinnishness so dear to NPR's heart, that sort of half-genial half-smug cooperative balderdash that's smothering the craft of journalism to death. 'Worthless' is a banal enough term, but it's about the only one I can think of anymore to summarize NPR's contributions to news-gathering. We know who the good ones are in that crew, but the rewards are so few and far between...

Bush's putzy pronouncements were merely to gloss over his trip's real purpose: to cap some mega-sized arms deals with some quality Crawford crackerbarrel joshing, and to get out the butter so as to arouse the region for some very sexy Iranian penetration.
Oh, and what happened to Pakistan's status as 'Most Dangerous Nation', or whatever?

I read a good article in the Moscow Times about Gorbachev, who says Russia isn't fooled by this preposterous missile program that's supposedly meant for Iran. It's meant for Russia, folks, the latest devil-baby spawned by frozen-out Cold Warriors who wanna make a comeback before they kick the bucket.
Chomsky wrote a trenchant article called 'Cold War II' last August, very worthwhile.

Ryan Crocker Is Delighted To Present: The Biggest-Titted Success Story EVER: I R A Q!

Welcome, gang, to the wonders of 2008!

Great news for ye who seek refreshment from the sagging slog of that old front in the War on Tare. You know, Iraq? It's so . . . over.

Because, you know, I heard this interview on that, you know, NPR?

Renaaay Montayyyn, our favorite sexy fashionista of the 'public' airwaves, was like, making out with St. Ryan Crocker, the US Ambassador to the Highly Sovereign Nation of Iraq, and it was cool, because now we know all we need to know about how that place is doing these days. And heck, a beginning of a new year Report was perfectly in order, and indeed, a pretty nice courtesy to offer us.

But really:

Indeed, Crocker has made a whole career out of that fake self-effacing modesty act. He's a major player who's deeply committed to the sham - what other role could he possibly play? And to me, NPR is absolutely complicit in the PR machine that Crocker & Corp needs to promote, especially now, with the supposed 'lull' in Iraq in full display for all the world to marvel at, with a collective sigh of relief! It's a no-brainer that part of the Surge deal with the media was that coverage of the daily death in Iraq would be drastically reduced. The Surge has been like a black hole as far as journalistic documentation is concerned. Who knows what the actual reality has been? Objective reporting has been downright banned.

Fat 'n Fluffy Freddie Kagan, one of the Surge's chief schemers, certainly enters the halls of the American Enterprise Institute in high triumph every day. In the not too distant future, all of America will point to him and declare, 'It was he who saved Iraq!'
(NOTE: I deplore the use of the term 'architect' for anyone wangling a war in the sub-sleazy way that Iraq was pulled off. That rather distinguished profession involves design, but design that usually involves building, not destruction. There is nothing whatsoever of Frank Lloyd Wright or Norman Foster to be found in the likes of the reprehensibe Wolfowitz or Rumsfeld - or Kagan. Please, good people of the public and of the media, desist from using this term in that manner. Besides, it smacks of Luntzism, and that's as low as one can get.)

And NPR's breezing along, glad that they stuck by Bush Doctrine while others fell by the wayside. They held steady, like, you know, Bill 'Howdy-Doody' Kristol has, and now Bill's gettin' his place in the sun at the New York Times. Thus are patience and loyalty rewarded. And NPR wants a piece of that action. Their audience, weary of 'scary' stories out of I-rak, is getting a well-deserved break. Noble-but-misunderstood Ann Garrels is fuming with self-pity in DC ('Why do they hate me out there? Why? But I'll show THEM - I shall return!') and 'Kid Jamie' Tarabay is shopping in Dubai (sounds boring; not even funny).

I guess we won in Iraq, huh?

We can well imagine that NPR gets these plum interviews like Crock-up and other big players, only on the conditions that complete cooperation is assured, with no controversial lines of questioning allowed, and certainly, with final approval rights built in. Another violation of Smith-Mundt Act (e.g. no public funds shall be utilized for propagandistic purposes). Sure, they let NPR toss in a few token and timid 'probing' questions, just to make their shill news outfit sound credible, but we all know what a joke that is. I think it's controlled to that extent, certainly. No conspiracy theory necessary. BushCorp/Cheney Industries would tolerate nothing less. Nothing can be left to chance.

When Ry Crock appears on Democracy Now!, or equivalent, then maybe I'll pay the slightest attention to his empty and tiresome life insurance salesman's banter.

Last night at our modest NY's Eve party, we heard some gunshot-sounding fireworks going off down the street. A friend commented, in mock-Petraeus style, 'The Surge is working.' We about fell off our chairs laughing.

Happy New Year, gang. It's the home stretch.

Randoms: Covering Pakistan The Right Way

I tend to praise Philip Reeves on these pages quite a bit because, in spite of his colleagues, he refuses to give an NPR spin to his reportage from South Asia.

This morning it was sort of strange, in a good way, to hear him covering the jolting post-Bhutto events in Pakistan, because he sticks to what is known and what he has observed rather than getting mucked up in a bunch of speculative gobbledegook. I suppose that's old-fashioned. Works for me, though.

The NPR Spin always seems to try and have stuff 'figured out', as if they're one step ahead of the players in current events. It's always so show-offy and mock-clever. Is that what 'in depth' reporting is supposed to be? Can you imagine having Ari-Conditioned Shapiro or Mara-Mara Liarson in Karachi right now??

Contrasted with Linda Wertheimer's martini-glass-and-cigarette-holder drawl (who does she wannabe, Tallulah Bankhead??), Mr Reeves sounds traditionally straight-as-an-old-BBC-arrow in his objective reports. A clear and steady voice is needed in the current turmoil, and Reeves is the man. He's the only reason that I'm following Pak events on NPR right now. He isn't buying in to this Frank Luntz-ish 'Most Dangerous Nation' classification BS.

(I ask you, WHO is the most dangerous nation in the world?)

PS: As most of us would agree, there are worse chattering pieholes at NPR than Dame Linda, like, surprise, surprise, Little Bobby Siegel and his sickening attempts at sounding like some super-intellectual transatlantic don - or whuteveh. I know, you think I've got it out for Sir Robert, but I just had to squeeze that in.

A Very Mafia Assassination - With A New PS

Fig 1. BBC Screen Shot, 27 Dec. 07

Benazir Bhutto's assassination is based on two forces in conflict in Pakistan.

The first is dynastic. As the daughter of Zulfikar Ali Bhutto, the Prime Minster who was overthrown by Gen. Zia al-Huq, and subsequently hanged, Benazir had an imperative of avenging his death. After several years as Pakistan's Chief Martial Law Administrator, Zia was bumped off in a plane crash. Daughter Benazir then swept into power. After two terms of Benazir's premiership, and that of Nawaz Sharif, the reactive military regained power in the person of Pervez Musharraf. As his tenure has gone on though, the inevitable shift draws nigh.

The pattern is steady. It is emotional but logical. Cause and effect in the control of power. In India, the Nehru-Gandhi dynasty has gone through their own epic saga of similarities. But of course, power dynasties are to be found in every part of the world.

The second force is geopolitical. The bare facts are these: Bush's regional policies have destabilized Pakistan more than it has consistently been in the past. Higher stakes in the region have tempted power players into more overt action. Iraq, of course, is the most blatant example of this aggressive meddling. Failures in Afghanistan - at Tora Bora, which enabled the realignment of al-Qaeda, and the return of the Taliban, have transferred elements of higher-level conflict to Pakistan. This has allowed for violence to be portable and effective amidst a challenging physical environment, which has in fact never come under any consistent control, either by the British, or the Pakistani government. Also, the elimination of Bhutto as a potential alternative to Musharraf has solidified the latter's position, which is attractive to Bush & Associated Interests. Much more reliable than Saddam ever was as a partner, Musharraf can pose as a restorer of democracy, but in actuality can now bolster his power and remain Bush's malleable and cooperative partner.

The overarching movements here are primitive, though Shakespearean. Dynastic power. Overthrow. Revenge. Consolidation of power. Cyclical. Tit for tat. Primitive - but classic.

Colloquially, I refer to the current pattern as Mafia-istic. This is because it is a simple process of elimination of rivals and/or enemies if they are a threat, or could become a threat. Banal-but-true fact: Mafia tactics are employed by many forces in the world, both governmental and non-governmental. This elementary fact is essential to keep prominent if any understanding past media obfuscation is to be had.

George W. Bush essentially employed the same tactics with Saddam - who didn't stay 'bought' - as a reaction to his father's run-in with Saddam and the attempted assassination of Bush Sr afterwards, all in the name of justice and democracy. The same Mafia principles are in play. Corporate interests have naturally benefited, as well as the elites involved, who value power over anything else. Very little interpretation is needed to understand this.

I am simplifying a seemingly complex situation because it is, in fact, simple. Elements such as BushCorp and Associated Interests would have us believe that this is all part of their 'War on Terror', but it is actually yet another product of their obfuscation of grander strategies for control and dominance of important regions and nations of the world. If they are not directly culpable in events like this, they are certainly influential, based on their agendas.

Other regional conflicts tend to be overlooked by the west. The Kashmir situation with India has proceeded on and off for over 60 years. These days, in the western mainstream media, India is hardly mentioned in connection with Pakistan, except to note that the two are nuclear-armed. This is partly because of India's booming economy, which promises to be a growing market for western corporate interests. On the other hand, Pakistan seems to be regarded as an 'expendable' terrain, not so important economically, but certainly as an acceptable front for the deception and smoke screen actions of the 'War on Terror'. Such a war serves the purposes of larger interests, which one can only hint at, due to their sophistication in self-interested operations.

Finally, the assassination of Benazir Bhutto is a great loss. Condolences then, to her children and other family members, and all those who followed her in Pakistan. Every leader is flawed, but her presence as a political force was important and needful. The shock of such an event soon gives way to an apolitical sadness. Behind the loss, however, there are winners. It is vital to keep this perspective in mind.

PS: And now, with the JFK-like variations as to the actual cause of her death, suspicion and theories will only grow. They can certainly grow, but what can be done with them? The preposterous story that Ms Bhutto hit her head on the sunroof 'lever' is gallows humor at its blackest. What contemporary vehicle's electrically-operated sunroof has a 'lever'? Even 1960s VW Beetles and Peugeot 404s did not have 'levers'. They had cranks that didn't get in anyone's way. But explanations like this one are extremely typical of Mafia methods. And with Pervez Musharraf having done a Bush-like commandeering of the Pak courts, it is highly unlikely that her body will be exhumed for a proper autopsy. Such a procedure might reveal that, in the midst of external diversions, a bullet was coldly and efficiently pumped through her brain, probably from inside the vehicle. It's all very cinematic, isn't it? Choose your scenario. Not only was Ms Bhutto's wagon 'fixed', to use pop Mafia terminology, but all attendant evidence has been seen to as well. Thus was the Final Solution for the Bhutto alternative carried out with complete success. For the present, anyway.

The Wonder of The Evolutions

Figs. 1 & 2 YOU DECIDE which way it's going.

Candidate Review! Mediocre, Dull Fred

Fig.1:
He: How do you like my manly bulletproof vest, Jeri?
She: Oh, what I'm really admiring is your manly head of distinguished grey hair!!
He: Lick my comb, baby! Your hair's actually greasier than mine! Birds of a feather...know what I mean?
Fred: (from offstage) But I thought you liked balding virile types, Jeri! Jeri? But, it's OK, your hand's in mine. Honey?
He: I'm free, now that Shaha's dumped me.
She: Maybe I can find your comb if I just...feel up your...vest a bit...oooh...!
Fred: (from further offstage) Jeri? Honey...? Where's your hand?


Fig.2: Now THIS is the kind of bald president to have!


Fred Thompson! You're an actor - actor/pontificator
And representative of all the race;
Although 'tis true you turned out a Neocon/Backwards-Facing/Shrunken-Minded Republican at
Last, - yours has lately been a common case;
And now, my Epic Renegade! what are ye at?

(With deep apologies to My Lord Byron)

Our casually-named prez selection is right on schedule. Fred, Freddy, Freddie, Frud, anything except Frederick. 'Frederick' sounds like a Prussian (and homosexual) king in the 1700s or something.

I don't believe I've ever seen Fred in anything on stage or screen. Scanning his IMDb list, I guess I have, but he scarcely stands out in my mind. There are those who say 'oh, he's been in everything,' but no he hasn't. Just because he's on that popular lawyer show, which I've never seen, DOESN'T MEAN he's 'been in everything'.

Even Ronald Reagan had 'King's Row' and 'Santa Fe Trail' under his belt ('Bonzo' needn't be mentioned, don't you think?). Fred Thompson? He's got 'Day-O' and 'Curly Sue'. (OK, he had small roles in Scorsese's excellent 'Cape Fear' and also 'Hunt for Red October', which was pretty good, but THAT'S IT.)

So Fred's largely a pontificator. I don't like him in the least. I don't care for his slag-pile appearance, his lousy attempt at feigning a hound-dog voice with it's folksy relaxed inflexions, and his supposed 'charisma' that leads people to think he doesn't have to prove himself.

Plus! He has nothing whatsoever to offer politically. Nothing original, or fresh, or helpful. He's a tiresome and worthless figure that was wheeled out on stage to supposedly pep a hopeless group up, but the effort is a failure, and Fred will have to drift back to San Fernando Valley where the gigs still are. But watch it Fred, due to your brief but lard-ass excursion back to DC, those kids running the studios now might not know who you are anymore. 'What's a Fred Thompson?' they're bound to say. Just like they did with Rod Steiger. No one knew who he was when he was looking for a job.

Now Rod Steiger - there's an idea. Rod Steiger would make a mucking FANTASTIC prez! He'd get us out of our heap 'a trouble, that's for sure. But Rod's dead! Do you hear me, ROD STEIGER IS DEAD.

Fred's trophy wife, Jeri, gets a lot of attention, natch. She may be an okay person, but I severely question anybody who would get cuddly with my good buddy Paul the Ersatz Wolf. Look at him in Fig.1! Jeri's got him by his holey socks, but he's obviously trying to hide his terror by, I don't know, puffing up or something. Failures tend to do that. Go, Jeri, GO!!
Oh, and where's Fred to defend Paul?

Forget Fred. Just download Fig. 2, put it on your desktop, sigh, and dream about what might've been...

The Chief's Ding Dong School

Fig 1: Real Learning Starts Here

99's got it right, 86. And the Chief looks like he's got some pondering to do.

Seriously:

I think this whole tape destruction of interrogation sequences at Gitmo story is a White House plot to punish the CIA/intelligence community for delivering the credible report, just a few days earlier, regarding Iran's non-nukes. The tape destruction story, odious as it is, pales in comparison. Dick & Co wanted war badly. Now THEY've been hornswoggled, so now CIA must pay. The premise for the tapes falling into the wrong hands is absurd. Security storage, even at the leaky CIA, can no doubt be maximized to sci-fi dimensions. Just think of the stuff being stored at the CIA that we HAVEN'T seen yet! The media should not be deceived by this 'shocking' tapes story. BushCorp wants everybody to get hung up on it while the real biggie, Iran, looms in the background.

Candidate Review! You Keep Sounding The Alarm, Dennis!

Fig 1:
She: If you do all the things you promise, you may take me to the fair.
He: Impeach!
She: If you can carry out your program, you may guide me to the show.
He: Withdraw!
She: I do applaud your noble goals, now let us see if you achieve them.
(with apologies to Lerner & Loewe)

As a Mosaic character, Dennis Kucinich has little in common physically with Chuck Heston. But the power that emanates from that little guy could, or should part the Red Sea, for crying out loud.

I'm not going to run on about Dennis. Because, I don't really think it's appropriate to give him equal mockery or the playful time that I give others running for prez right now. It's because, when you examine the actual substance of DK's agenda, statements and causes, he emerges as not only sensible, but he is proof that we need someone with his depth of understanding to actually steer the country away from the corrupt lifestyles and agendas that have overwhelmed the corridors of power more than ever. He's so right-on that, as far as his rivals are concerned, he must and shall be portrayed as a kook and an oddball who is nothing more than a Don Quixote to chuckle at (if anyone knows who Don Q is or what he was trying to do...). Ever since the Reagan years, which were a backlash against the '60s, conventionality has been the comfort zone; fitting in is where it's at. Curiously, this runs counter to the Great American Tradition of Individualism. Enlightened individualism, combined with responsible independence, is where transcendent advancement is born. Not to elevate Dennis on too high a plane, but his progressive stance on many issues is true forward thinking. It's actual planning ahead, instead of gamboling in what I call Lunge Methodology, that is, getting all you can as fast as you can, and the hell with everybody else. American civilization was founded on E Pluribus Unum, not gimme, gimme, gimme. Dennis isn't the only one who seems interested in sticking to our needful guidelines, but boy, look at his record. He's hung right in there in all the right progressive issues. He makes Dubya's much-vaunted resolute factor look like the delusional cosmology of a goofus who can't even run a popcorn machine, let alone a massive ship of state.

Did anyone see Dennis give Donny Rumsfeld a very fine tongue lashing in one of many hearings last year? You had to go to C-SPAN and dig it out, but I tell ya, Rummy was rendered almost speechless by Dennis' pit bull interrogation, and he accomplished this excellent task without resorting to 'controlled drowning'.

Yes, he's got an impressive trophy wife, a lustily-elegant Renaissance fair of a lady (and a helluva lot sexier than all of, say, Ghouliani the Mug's grotesque seraglio plastered together). But the thing is, Elizabeth K. is really cool. Has anyone heard her talk about stuff? Her depth and quality of understanding issues and trends and overviews is a comfort and a joy. For example, given the opportunity, she could advise about India and Africa, health care, and North/South matters much more helpfully and coherently than any jackass 'specialist' now on the scene. She stands about three feet higher than Dennis the Squirt, and they were married in beautiful downtown Cleveland (plenty of pictures of that not unpleasant-looking event are viewable), but their non-conventionality refreshes more than it inspires jocularity. Boring they are not. Their dialogues, together or independently, are intelligent, well-researched, and reasonable. A joke they are not. DK has a twinkle in his eye though, and that's often why the media pigeonholes him as a curio. But we have the web, and we can leave behind the MainStream Media in about two shakes of a cyber-lamb's tail in order to check out Dennis more fully. I humbly suggest that more caring Americans get to work in doing so, rather than relying on the lazy-ass couch-hog's consumerist devouring of media drivel when it comes to sizing-up this here prezzy mule-race.

Don't brand me as a Dennis-oid. I just have an old fashioned wish for this nation to succeed, especially at this crucial juncture. As Joseph Cotton said in 'Duel in the Sun', 'I'd like to give back something to this country rather than just take from it'. The great Lionel Barrymore, who plays his ultra-conservative dad, explodes: 'Jesse? I don't know what you're talking about!!!'

We know that Dennis will not be president. But he could be, and yes, he should be.